Brussel Sprouts and Bacon: Sprouts for the Haters

I was inspired to actually write a damn blog post today by a Facebook status update I read, posted by someone that I think is hilarious and great. He made a bold statement that is absolutely partly true:  "Food bloggers irritate the piss out of me". When I indicated that his statement made me get my dukes up, because I don't think all food bloggers are irritating, he clarified that he thought our era of every supposed "foodie" in the city running around, eating out, taking photos, posting them on some website and calling themselves an expert was, well, irritating the piss out of him. Sure, I agree. But do you know what's worse? There was a horrendous video someone else posted on Facebook that showed a horde of people literally physically fighting each other to get their hands on cheap smartphones on Black Friday somewhere in Georgia or something and here's what I think:  go ahead, annoying people, post photos of that stupid panna cotta that you probably paid too much for, do your worst, just don't push a fellow human out of the way in the name of a phone. Like I guess on a scale of what's kind of annoying and what's 100% wrong, I'm with the panna cotta photo-posters. The comparison is a bit extreme, I know, and I'm sure the friend I mentioned would absolutely agree - but my point is that the overabundance of food bloggers is pretty damn harmless, in my opinion. Plus, I am one, you know? But just to be clear, I don't take pictures of food in restaurants, or ever review restaurants, because I find the first annoying and intrusive, and I don't purport to know enough to do the latter. So, there. 

 

Let me know if you find this photo irritating.

To the food! A wonderful thing happens to sprouts when you slice them up finely and add bacon and pine nuts. They become the kind of vegetable that people who say that they HATE brussel sprouts actually like. They are honestly DELICIOUS. It's a bit of work to slice these babies up, but it's worth it. And brussel sprouts should not be relegated to holiday dinners - they are a happy side dish with pretty much anything. 

Brussel Sprouts with Bacon and Pine Nuts

Originally a Lucy Waverman joint, slightly adapted

Who could even know these were sprouts?

1 pound of brussel sprouts, finely sliced

4 slices bacon, or a little hunk of pancetta, or even prosciutto

1/4 cup of toasted pine nuts

olive oil for sauteeing the sprouts

salt and pepper to taste

First, fry your bacon or other desired pig product in a big pan that'll hold all your sprouts. Once it's cooked, remove it from the pan and dice it up into little wee pieces of pig product. Drain most of the fat off, keeping a bit of fat for flavour - you'll add a tbsp or two of olive oil to the fat to fry your sprouts, once you've sliced them. I usually cut them in half, down the middle, core and all (who has time to core brussel sprouts?), and then I lay them flat and slice them into ribbons.  

Add a tablespoon more or so of olive oil to the pig fat in your pan, on medium heat. Add the shredded sprouts, and saute, stirring often, for about 10 minutes. You'll see that they'll wilt and begin to lose some of their mass, in the same manner that cabbage or sturdy greens do. Add salt and pepper to taste; but a good hit of both is necessary. After ten minutes, taste some and make sure they've cooked down enough. If they haven't, keep cooking them. Obviously. If they're as soft as you'd like them, stir in your toasted pine nuts and toss them around, and serve the whole enchilada with the bacon sprinkled over top.  

I am an impeccably clean cook.
P.s. I forgot to take a photo of the end result, so you're on your own.

I love these transformative kind of recipes, where something you thought you knew takes on a whole other quality when you do something different with it. To me, it's what makes cooking exciting, you know? You should serve these as a side dish the next time you decide to have people over for dinner, instead of going out and taking poorly lit panna cotta photos. Added bonus? You'll save yourself from irritating the piss out of my friend.     

Summahtime: Corn Salad with Bacon and Green Onions

This was a dynamo of a side dish that I'll most certainly be making many times throughout the month of August. It's corn season in these parts, and I find it hard to walk past hefty, luscious looking corn on the cob without buying some. And it's always priced for five cobs or whatever, and of course that means that I MUST buy five instead of buying, say, two cobs, which would be a much more reasonable number based on the number of people in my household. But no matter, one can never have too much corn when one lives in Ontario and one likes to enjoy the summer's bounty.

Summer in a saute pan.

So, say you gots lots of corn and you want to do something different. Not because you need to, but because you want to. You could do the whole mayonnaise and parmesan treatment, as I've written about before. It's ridiculously good. We've busted that one out already this summer. Or you could incorporate bacon, which is very rarely a bad thing, and go this route. It's a little ditty that will not disappoint.

Corn Salad with Bacon and Green Onions

2 big fat cobs of corn

2 slices of bacon, cut into a small dice

2 green onions, sliced thinly

Butter, just a wee pat

A handful of halved cherry tomatoes

A small handful of chopped cilantro

Salt and pepper to taste

Saute the bacon in a large frying pan on medium to medium-high heat - you want the pan hot enough to really crisp up the bacon. During the time that the bacon is coming to its crucial crispy point, slice the corn off two cobs. The easiest way to do this is to stand your ear of corn up on a cutting board or similar and slice down on each side of the cob. I usually do the bottom half first, then flip the ear and repeat.  It seems to minimize the amount of corn clean up. I've recently seen a plethora of tips and tricks on various food websites about how to cut corn off a cob without making a mess. I guess if the way you cut corn off a cob results in corn everywhere, you should check those out. I, for one, am probably not going to change my method to save seven kernels. But you should do what you want. Anyway, put your corn into the pan with the bacon, and then add your sliced green onions. Stir everything around and add salt and pepper to taste. Saute for about five minutes, and then add the halved cherry tomatoes and the cilantro, and stir those in well. Let it go for a few more minutes, and you're done! Oh wait, not quite! At the very end you should add that little pat of butter. It will make you and everyone who eats it happy, trust.

Corn, plated.
Also, people should eat more drumsticks. 

Serves two as a side dish. Or, you could put it all in a big ol' bowl and sit on your porch and eat it and not share a single kernel. 

Bacon, Olive, and Sharp Cheddar Bread: Don't Freak Out! No Kneading, No Yeast!

Okay, so before you tune out this entire post due to the fact that it's a bread recipe, let me assure you that it's more like the savoury equivalent of banana bread in terms of difficulty level. Laura Calder, whose recipe this is, calls it an 'aperitif cake', which she can do because she lived in Paris for a while and she's quite stylish and all that. I feel a bit ridiculous calling it an 'aperitif cake', so we move forward identifying it as bread. Fine with you?

Resting bread.  Can you guess which loaf has bacon in it?
I'll just tell you.  The one on the right.  The better-looking one.
Obviously.

This loaf ruled. Calder suggests you serve it before a dinner party, something to tide people over before the meal. I love this idea. It's very sophisticated. Very French. But you can serve this any old time - I think it would be a nice snack, and would also be a punchy little breakfast bread. Or be all Paris (pronounced Par-eeh) and serve it as an aperitif (pronounced a-pear-a-teef - just kidding, I know y'all know how to pronounce that).

And again, the best thing about this is how hella easy it is to make. No intimidating bread-like elements like kneading or yeast, or special paddle attachments for your special stand-mixer. Just a couple of bowls and a loaf pan (or two loaf pans, if you're me - I did one with bacon and one without - guess which one was better).

Bacon, Olive, and Sharp Cheddar Bread

This is a recipe of the aforementioned Laura Calder, whose website is at www.lauracalder.ca

I brought these to a meeting.
Yes, I had a meeting where I was required to bring snacks.  

1 and a half cups flour

1 and a half teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

3 eggs, lightly beaten

1/2 cup, plus another tablespoon butter, melted

a big handful of chopped green olives         (you could use black olives, but I think the green lends the whole loaf more of a consistent earth-tone kinda thing)

6 slices of bacon, chopped into 1/2 inch squares and fried/broiled         (Calder's recipe called for four slices, but that's such a joke - use 6)

1 cup of grated sharp cheddar cheese         (you could also use Gruyere, parm, asiago - anything that is grate-able and has a nice strong, sharp taste)

a pinch of salt         (but seriously, go easy - you've got bacon, cheese, and olives in there - a lot of salt action already)

2 tbsp of chopped fresh rosemary         (this was a nice addition, but totally not necessary)

So here's the drill:  preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. Butter a loaf pan, and then throw a tablespoon of flour in there and shake the pan around, so the flour covers the butter. Your pan has now been buttered and floured.  

Mix the flour, baking powder, and ground pepper together in a mixing bowl. Beat the eggs lightly, then add them into the flour, mixing all with a wooden spoon. Then stir in the melted butter. Don't over-mix, just stir until everything is incorporated. Now add the cooked and chopped bacon, chopped olives, and grated cheese. Again, just try to evenly distribute, not more than that. Overworked batter is no good.

Spoon the batter into the loaf pan, and stick her in the oven for about 45 minutes. You'll know it's ready when it's slightly browned on the top and a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.  

Let me tell you, making this bread kind of made me feel like some kind of pioneer.

Let it cool slightly, and then remove it from the pan. Slice it up. And then definitely follow Calder's instructions, which are to 'serve with drinks'. I mean, unless it's breakfast.